


Mission Received

by spacestationtrustfund



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 04:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4421837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacestationtrustfund/pseuds/spacestationtrustfund
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers receive an assignment that two of them will have to pose as a newly married couple as part of one of their missions. Arguing over coffee about who the chosen pair will be ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission Received

**Author's Note:**

> Give me the tropes and I will thoroughly destroy them.

“Really? The old cliché of pretending to be a ‘newly married couple’? I never thought we would have to sink this low.” Clint rolls his eyes at Natasha and takes a sip of his coffee. “Fury said two of us would have to do it. The rest of us are going to be surveillance.”

There’s a moment of silence, during which everyone looks at everyone else, and tries to act as if they’re not looking at anyone at all. Finally Tony slaps his hand on the table, nearly spilling his cup of coffee—black as usual. “Obviously it should be Natasha and Legolas. They’re practically married already.”

“No,” Natasha and Clint say firmly and simultaneously.

Tony throws up his hands in exasperation. “Then who do you suggest we send, Capsicle and Robocop?”

“They’re from the forties,” Natasha says quickly. “That’s almost as bad an idea as sending Clint and me to do this together. Please don’t do that.”

Steve and Bucky both determinedly look anywhere other than each other. Natasha thinks she sees them blushing and has to hide her smile. Clint hands her his half-empty cup, and she curls her fingers around it thankfully.

“How about you go?” offers Bruce, speaking to Tony, who looks affronted. “You and Ms Potts would be able to be fairly convincing.”

“Stark would scare everyone he met,” Natasha remarks absently. “And that is something we do not need.”

Bruce shrugs. “I would go, but I don’t think I would be very believable. I’m a scientist, not an actor.”

“Well said, Dr Banner,” Tony grumbles. “I assume none of us actually think that Thor would be a suitable candidate for the position?”

Thor looks up in surprise; he’s been smelling Natasha’s coffee in confusion. “I would be willing to assist in any way deemed possible, metal man.”

“Yeah . . . no.” Tony scrutinises Thor, then shakes his head. “I thought we discussed the ‘metal man’ part of things and came to the agreement that you would shut your mouth. In terms of skill and ability, I vote for Natasha. Maybe Dr Banner could go with—”

“Absolutely not,” Natasha interrupts, cutting him off. “No offence, Dr Banner.”

Bruce smiles mildly. “None taken.”

Tony looks extremely put out. “Then who do you suggest, Fury himself? Agent Coulson? He wouldn’t mind pretending to be married to Capsicle.”

“I _told_ you,” Natasha snaps, “leave Steve out of this. Or if not, let him and me be the on-ground surveillance and the rest of you the backup. Or him and that other woman, what’s her name.”

“Sharon,” Steve supplies. “I don’t like her, though—she’s irritating. Besides, she wanted to kill my best friend. I wouldn’t mind going with Natasha, though.”

Bucky scowls but doesn’t say anything. Natasha raises her eyebrows slightly to convey she isn’t a threat, and he visibly relaxes. “I obviously can’t do it, unless I wear long sleeves all the time.”

“In the middle of the summer, how dreadful,” Clint deadpans. “No offence, Rogers, but I don’t think you should go. You’re better on defence, not offence.”

Steve shrugs. “It’s fine. I don’t mind either way.”

Tony covers his eyes with both of his hands and groans in a way emulating the long-suffering. “Back to square one. Natasha and who else? Are we sure Barton won’t do it?”

“I will not,” Clint states firmly. “I am not going to live a domestic life, even if I am pretending. And I am not going to do it with a Russian ex-assassin as my partner. Absolutely not.”

“You’re overreacting,” Natasha murmurs into her coffee.

“I’m being realistic. I would end up killing something. On accident.”

“ _That’s_ accurate,” Tony snaps. “But we still need to come to a conclusion. I am not going, because then I would have to kiss Natasha or something, and I do not want my nightmares to come true again.”

“You have nightmares about kissing her?” says Clint in a half-amused, half-threatening voice.

Steve raises his hand awkwardly, and Tony points at him, clearly glad of the interruption. “Yes. Capsicle. Do you have a suggestion or a comment? Because otherwise I don’t want to hear it.”

“How about none of us go as a ‘married couple’ and instead just go as friends or something? Then none of us would have to pretend to be married to anyone they don’t want to pretend to be married to.”

Natasha grins. “I don’t think Fury would be pleased, but I do like that idea.”

“I think Fury forced us to do this because he wanted to figure out how we would make it work,” Clint grumbles. He reaches over and takes his coffee back from Natasha and takes another drink. “And it would be a nice slap in the face if we decided not to do as told.”

Bruce sighs. “You were the one who received the order, not any of us.”

Thor raises his head again. “It is possible that we could simply infiltrate our enemy’s homeland by pretending to be their allies, then form a plan of attack. I do not understand why it is necessary to take on the guise of marriage.”

“Well said, my friend,” Tony quips grumpily, banging his fist on the table in a firm gesture of resolution. “I think we’ve come to a conclusion.”

Natasha decides not to mention that his coffee has spilled and is staining his expensive suit.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](spacestationtrustfund.tumblr.com).


End file.
